


The Demons Inside Me

by Noah_Elton



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, Late at Night, M/M, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Remus Lupin Loves Sirius Black, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sleepy Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noah_Elton/pseuds/Noah_Elton
Summary: 'He is not James, Sirius!', exclaimed Molly'I am perfectly clear who he is, thanks, Molly', replied Sirius coldly.'I'm not sure you are!' said Mrs Weasley. 'Sometimes, the way you talk about him, it's as though you think you've got your best friend back!'
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	The Demons Inside Me

His head hung low as he pulled his knees towards his chest, making himself as small as he could. He looked out of the window of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, memories flooding back, stabbing him deeper and deeper with every thought. It felt as if it was only yesterday, that he ran away from his house, only to return and be trapped back in this nightmare 

Though he was out of the mad place, he could still feel the ghost of the dementors haunt him. The man that lay beside him continued to fidget around.

Sirius shut his eyes close, and heard a little voice murmuring to him in his head. 

_Breath Pads._

Tears began to flow down the grey man's cheek as the voice of his dead best friend tried to calm him down. He remembered curling up in James' arms for the first time in the first year, after his mother sent him a letter, cursing his existence. He remembered how the hand of his best friend gently carded their way through his hair when he shut himself up alone, longing for a will to live. 

He remembers the smile on James' face when Sirius first held Harry in his arms.

He pushed his body up, his eyes adjusting to the dark as moved his fingers letting his joints click. Shifting to his sides, he let his bare foot hit the cold marbled tiling. 

Exhaling a deep breath he got up and shuffled his feet on the ground until he reached the room next door.

Leaning his body forward, he partially opened the door, peeking in to find a bespectacled boy soundly asleep, unaware of the pain he made the older man go through every time he so much as looked at him.

_Maybe he did see James in him, but was it his fault if he did?_

A hand with a light grip perched itself on the grey man's shoulder, as he turned around to face his lover.

He could recall the night's he had spent screaming like a mad man in the cellar of Azkaban, as the dementors ruthlessly attacked him, forever leaving their imprint on his soul. Years had passed, yet every moment though blurred out lay heavy in his memories. 

_There there Pads, hold on._

He still felt raw and vulnerable in the darkness reminding him of the way pain unleashed inside him every time they came close. Though it was all mental, he could feel the pain repeatedly piercing his flesh, leaving his body forever marked and ripped from the inside. 

His lover pulled him close to him, telling him that it will be alright, but he knew it won't. It won't ever be alright again.

White strands of flickering light from the stars amidst through the clouds danced upon his skin, but the darkness within him remained intact and stubborn.  
  
They walked back to their room in silence as they tried to fall asleep again. Sirius pulled the duvet over his head, nestling himself into the warm familiar embrace of the man he loved, head comfortably tucked under the others chin.

No, happiness might never truly be his again, but for now, these small moments spent in peace was more than gratifying.

Days slipped by, as he watched his god-son grow older, still ready to fight for the ones he loved, willing to sacrifice just like his father did, and his god-father willing to protect him at his every step just like he always did.

Sirius never did recover though. The glint in his eyes never did return, no matter how convincing his plastered smile looked. It was only when he died, that his eyes crinkled, and his lip twitched, his soul finally at peace far away from the misery of life. 

When his body hit the ground as he fell past the veil familiar brown eyes looks into the grey ones, as a hand stretched forward towards his long lost friend.

  
_"Nice to see you again mate!"_


End file.
